I have done 6 treatments and I 2 more to go. Yoo hoo. Yet I then commence a year of a different kind of treatment. That new treatment will be every three weeks for 12 months. It ain't over till the fat lady sings and I haven't sung a word yet!!!!
I can really see the light at the end now. I have a trip to Mexico planned in May and that is my single goal right now to make it there. It's my- you did it- trip. I have no idea where I will be on energy at that point. I have heard from others in this battle that the effects of treatment wear on or up to a year. Plus the fact that I will still really be in treatment. So taking trips and such at this point can prove logistically challenging. I have 2 kids, 2 carseats, too many suit cases, a dog to kennel, a rental car, a hotel, and let's not forget 4 airplane tickets now that Wyatt turns 2 tomorrow. Ohhh don't forget about food to buy and all the other gear I have to bring. It will take me until May just to amp up to that. I have no plans for much until May. So if you want to see us. Come on up. We'll be here. Call first, I take no guest these days without advanced noticed. I will not answer the door for surprise visits. Sound uninviting? It's not really, I just need that courteous notice. And I will give you that same courtesy. I know. I know. Folks should be able to come anytime. Just not right now.
I feel the toll of this treatment coming to a changing point. I am tired. Things have really changed around the house as far as what I can accomplish. Monday through Thursday I take the girls to school and soccer and I the middle of all that I got get a daily shot, and this shot is in my tummy. I am actually used to it now, yet it's ANOTHER thing I have to get done. We then get home and I honestly want to talk to no one. Emails and calls seldom are answered because I simple do not want to talk. This blog covers what I want/need to say. I don't want to "make nice" I don't want to put on a show. Not that anyone expects it, but I have nothing extra to give, and what I can give goes to A, E, and W. I will not be the same person on the flip side of this. In some ways that is good and bad. There are some things that I will appreciate more deeply than ever and there are some things that I will not. I see that time is short and time for the things that give stress are quickly going out the door. I am reevaluating everything and I am quite aware to some it seems angry and hard, that too bad if you take it that way. But as I have said, if you have gone through this, I welcome your thought on what you did differently. This is not only physical, but emotional too.
It's poison they fill me with every other week. I don't feel nice about that.
I have slept 3 hours tonight. Too jittery from the steroids. The girls are going to play at friends and Anthony is working. I need this alone time today. I am not fit for humans today. I need no one needing me today, for I have nothing to give. Chemo can be isolating. So let me be.
Peace Out
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