Monday, September 23, 2013

At Dusk

by Edna St. Vincent Millay

There at dusk I found you, walking and weeping 
Upon the broken flags,
Where at dusk the dumb white nicotine awakes and utters her
In a garden sleeping.

Looking askance you said:
Love is dead.

Under our eyes without warning softly the summer afternoon
let fall
The rose upon the wall,
And it lay there splintered.
Terribly then into my heart the forgotten anguish entered.

I saw the dark stone on the smallest finger of your hand,
And the clean cuff above.
No more, no more the dark stone on the smallest finger
Of your brown and naked arm,
Lifting my body in love!

Worse than dead is he of the wounded wing,
Who walks between us, weeping upon the cold flags,
Bleeding and weeping, dragging his broken wing.
He has gathered the rose into his hand and chafed her with his
But the rose is quiet and pale. She has forgotten us all.
Even spring.
Even death.

As for me, I have forgotten nothing,-nor shall I ever forget-
But this one thing:
I have forgotten which of us it was 
That hurt his wing.
I only know his limping flight above us in the blue air
Toward the sunset cloud
Is more than I can bear.

You, you there,
Stiff-necked and angry, holding up your head so proud,
Have you not seen how pitiful lame he flies, and none to befriend
Speak! Are you blind? Are you dead?
Shall we call him back? Shall we mend him?

Not my usual....but I liked it the first time i read it on another blog. 


Sunday, July 14, 2013

For My Favorite 11 yr old!

I love you Elliot, more than air!!!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

A Survivors Response to Angelina Jolie

I cannot listen to the media anymore talk about Angelina Jolie's choice for a double mastectomy.
I am not unsympathetic to her fear. I know that fear. My issue is this:
She has all the money in the world to be completely out of commission while her home, children and family went on in working order.She has enough money to not argue with doctors and insurance companies to have a realistic reason to use insurance monies.
I live in a woman's house that was killed by breast cancer. I have had breast cancer twice. When you are a slave to the insurance companies you are on the slow track to anything you used to have as a normal life.
Again, I understand her reason and her fear. But for every media outlet to act like her coming out with this information is such an act of bravery, is eye rolling to me at the least.
Most insurance companies would say what she did was elective. She was asymptomatic  I read about her mother, I read about her chances. Average Americans like myself struggle for healthcare. We struggle after lifetimes caps on treatment and cost. We have fundraisers. We gather up meal trains and babysitting. Things that when you have the sort of time and money that this celebrity has, is not a factor.
Again I get her reasons and fears.
All of us want to see our children grow up. All of us want to hold our grandchildren. All of us would LOVE to get this all done in 9 weeks (or so) time. All of us would love to have beautiful new breast. But at certain Stages of cancer you do not get that choice. Most of us have to wait until we get through chemo, while our chest skin tightens and scar tissue is created. Then we begin the reconstruction surgery that take away even more time from our families and jobs. That's just not reality for the average American diagnosed with Breast Cancer to have the experience Angelia Jolie had.
We worry about if our employers will give us the time off and hopefully paid. We worry that if we do get to go back to work out job will be waiting for us. We worry about how our children will get to school or how they will be taken care of during an entire day filled with chemo and doctor appointments. We try not to ask our spouse to take off too much time. We have to keep some kind of insurance somehow  We have to worry of changes in insurance and now having pre existing conditions.
Again I get her reasons and fears.
I really do.
Insurance and the highest of care is not for the poor or middle class.
I cannot blame celebrities for for their wealth That would be silly. I do blame the media for glorifying the choice of a person in this world for coming out with her situation, while millions of people cannot afford something as simple as insurance for a check up on a lump the found.


Monday, April 15, 2013

The Seconds

Two more children lost their mother recently.
All I can think is....

Those babies
Those babies
Those babies

I horrifically step into her shoes. I think of last thoughts and wishes and dreams and love for those 2 humans that grew inside of her. Every hair on their sweet heads. Every breath they take. Every beat of their broken hearts, grew inside of her at a time that cancer was only a disease she read about that happened to to other people.
Then it happen to her and she kicked, fought, scratched, and screamed her way to have every second she could with those 2 babies. Those seconds are now over.
All I can think is....



Friday, March 08, 2013

In Sickness and in Health

i have been really sick this week.  i havent been this sick in a really long time. it honestley scares the shit out of me. i dont like to be ill. i dont like to go to the doctor. i have had enough of all that in my life.
i will say this, through me fever induced haze i have been introspective. through my larengitious induced throat i have been silent. both issues have taken me aback and caused myself to do a little thinking time under the covers. and with spring being on our heels, getting well feels like coming out of a cocoon. 
i would absolutely say that this was the winter of my discontent. it started in the fall and rolled over me like a steamroller. and i absolutely take credit for the better half of it. i wrote blogs how i wasnt taking any more shit, mostly to convince myself that i wasnt. did you believe me? if so, i am quite a convincing writer...if not, i really didnt believe me either. hows that for truth in publishing?
getting back on track...
seriously, as the sun starts to shine more, and i hear the birds sing, i think of their tweets as a battle cry of new beginnings. eggs will be laid. bulbs will burst out of the dirt the were planted months ago. my voice is coming back figuratively and literally. 
consider yourself warned 


Saturday, February 02, 2013

Things Coming Across My Wire...

A few things I have been chewing on lately:

Persons who behave like cunts are always surprised when they are treated like cunts.

Tell yourself fewer lies.

A tiger doesn't loose sleep over the opinion of sheep.

Fashion is expected to change. People not so much.

Don't agree with yourself all the fucking time.

You tear me a       part.

Lies are lovely. Truth is mostly a cunt.

Porn is more honest than religion.

Neither your heart or your balls should be easily broken.

Please do me the ultimate kindness of minding your own damn business.

Pain is fuel.

Having one doesn't entitle you to act like one.

Don't ask me what I think of you because I don't.

Haters are people scared of their own emptiness.

Thank you Shahir Zag


Monday, January 21, 2013

I Had a Dream

Happy MLK Day.
But that is not what this blog is about.
I had a dream.....

This weekend would have been her 40th bday. FORTY. 40. I was at the last bday she celebrated, here on Earth. It was her 35th.
And I think because I thought about her all weekend, she came to me in my dreams last night.
We hugged. Embraced. I long hug. The kind you give to a long lost friend. She is my long lost friend. She looked so healthy and beautiful. She had a glow.

Come back soon to my dreams. It's been way too long.
Happy Birthday Day.
I love you.

Peace Out