Monday, February 26, 2007

Sometimes You Have to Know When to Say When

There are things in this life that sometimes just don't work. Sometimes I have a hard time seeing that. On paper these things should work out but in real life they just don't. I would think that after the time I have been on earth, I would just say-oh, that's not gonna pan out.
If after this chemo, I plan on being so honest and straight forward, then I better get there with myself too. I need to do some emotional house cleaning. I need to stop trying to make relationships work that just don't.I can't make someone happy or want to be my friend if in turn they don't want it too.
No hard feelings though. I really mean that. I am only 4 weeks out from my last"chemo. " I have yet to feel really great, which has given me a little time to think how I would like my life and relationships to be going forward.
I also have to look at myself and know these last five months, I have not been the most giving of friends. I haven't had it in me. I think this has all ruined my street cred.
So in saying all that, it's time for me to let go of some things. It's time to say when. It's getting too hard to try and keep connecting. I have to let it all go or I will go insane wondering what I did and when I did it.

Peace Out

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Breast Cancer 3Day Walk

Most of you that read this blog have been emailed by now that I am fund raising for the Breast Cancer 3Day walk. I will walk 60 miles in 3 days on a team of INCREDIBLE women. Some of them survivors and some of them supporters. I am inspired and excited!!!!!
I have to give a great amount of credit to Kristina Surface. I cam across her blog months ago while in chemo treatment and then again last week. This year will be her second year to do the walk. I have latched on to her team. I don't believe in accidents anymore. I believe that she was put in my path for a purpose. She is a motivator and articulate speaker. If you are around her or any of her friends you would know you are in the presence of good, kind folks.
I went to her house this last week for a little get together of women interested in the walk. I AM ONBOARD!!!!!!
I have raised $650 due to some awesome donations. I personally do not see a dime of this money...BUT I do see it by proxy. I see it through there being a cure in my lifetime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have said this on my email and on my webpage:
I will do this walk for those who come before, with, and after me.
I will do this walk for my daughters whom I love more than air.
I will do this walk to see my grandchildren and hold them in my arms.
I will do this walk so that I will never get a call from a loved one telling me they have breast cancer.
I will do this walk so that my partner and I will see each other grow old.
I will do this walk for all of us.
I will do this walk because cancer freakin' sucks.
This walk means a lot to me this year. I say this year because I know I will do it EVERY year as long as I am breathing.
Please check out my webpage:

Peace Out

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Tales From The Edge

I feel random.
I have a had a nasty cold for seven days. My last chemo was two weeks ago and I am sure my immune system was low when I caught the little devil and it's taken me a while to recover. It has not been fun. I had it in my head that as soon as chemo was done I was getting on the fast rack to getting in shape again and I have done nothing to attain that goal. Edna was here, we did a lot of work on the house and I got sick the day after she left. I have not been the picture of health and that makes me surly.
I am ready for spring and to be warm again.
I have whiskers on my head and all parts of my body.
I am ready to go back to the gym.
I am thinking about doing the 3-day walk for breast cancer. I am not worried about the walk. I am worried about raising $2,200. I am not a fund raiser. I'll let you know if I decide to do it.
Elliot has this next week off from school.
I am potty training Wyatt this week.
Have you heard about The Secret?
I got my new new boobies and they are high water C's.
We got new lights for the entry and dining room.
Random I say. Just random stuff.
This Thursday I go in for my monthly dose of H. Should be short and sweet.

Peace Out

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Fake It Till You Make It

I am going to buy some boobies this week. Some cutlets. Some fillets.
Before I do, I have to remark on something that I have noticed...
Nothing feels as good as the real thing. Whether it be eye lashes, hair, fingernails, whatever, the real thing always wins in my book. Because of this fact, I feel cautiously optimistic about buying new boobies.
I thought and wrote, before I had chemo, that I would be a drag queen during this time of hairlessness. But you know what? I don't really like wearing all this grab. These get ups (that's for you Buckethead!) I will say I can see the time saved without shaving and doing my hair. The fake lashes and wig come at a price and that price is comfort. I have taken to walking around hatless these days. I have too many hot flashes to keep my hat on. So I endure the sideway looks. Today a little girl told her mommy that I didn't have any hair. Yes, it was the innocence of a child. No, it didn't bother me. I just waved and kept on my way.
So I hope I like my new lady lumps.
Edna has been in town all week helping me and Anthony do some projects around the house. We could not have gotten all these things done without her. Tons of painting and organizing. Our house has a little face lift. Funny what a little paint and some new towels can do!
Here's a shout out to Jacqueline- Happy bday. You rock.
I will fill ya'll in on my filling out.

Peace Out

Friday, February 02, 2007

So Long, Farwell, Auf weidersehn

Don't let the door hit you in the ass.
I am done with chemo. Since the day I started, I have waited for February 1, 2007, and it finally arrived. Although I will do H for a year, potentially 2 years, it ain't chemo. Hair can grow back, energy can come back. Life can become a new kind of normal. Whatever that is.
I had some visitors come to this final day. Jason, Desiree, Patty, Edna, Milica, and Anthony, all saw me through this. I held the last I.V. bag of T and said goodbye. The nurses came and sang to me. Desiree made me a hat that said- No More Chemo Princess- and some bells to ring my way out. Thank you D.
This journey has been long and hard. I don't wish it on anyone.
Thank you to all who have sent me good thoughts and good vibes and prayers. Thank you to all who have helped me with my girls and food and my house. Thank you too all who have listened to my laundry list of complaints.
Thank God it's over.

Peace Out.