Saturday, November 24, 2012

Tell Your Tits to Stop Looking at My Eyes

Boobs. Tits. Hooters. Milk Jugs.
WHATEVAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Call them what you may. I used to have them. Now I don't. I had them for many years. Then for reasons beyond my control I cut them off. Then for reasons within my control I chose not to replace them.
I have had many people ask me why. Why not get new perfect round plump titties? This blog will help you understand.
Many of you who read this blog have never known the me who had boobs. You may only know me virtually  so of course you don't know what they where like. You may only know me post surgery so you only know the "BONE YARD". You may know me with boobs and now...boobless.
Let me explain...
I liked my boobs. They were useful, even before breast feeding. They were perky and round. They stood up perfectly to gravity. They were an object of desire. They fed my children.

THEY TRIED TO KILL ME

You have breast cancer....
what a shitty thing to hear.

That will bring it all home to you. That will sober you up. That will make you see what's important.
I have done this rodeo TWICE.
Twice I have hacked away at my body. And one may ask....why don't you get new ones. I say, because I don't think the third time will be a charm.
I never took much stock in tits. They are like golden handcuffs. Everyone thinks they are soooo awesome. One may think they are the visualization of sex. If you have them you are worthy of sexual worship. If you don't, where do you belong in the world as a woman? A woman that is desired.
KA-FUCKING-POW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no boobs= no desire???????????????????????????????
really? Have I become half woman? Have I become only half desirable?
Because let's be real, I can walk this earth with my foobs (fake boobs) on and none of you would know the diff.. But because I am bluntly honest, and for the most part choose not to wear them, AND choose to tell my story, I am seen as only half of what I am?
Whoa
Whoa
Let's rethink sexuality. Let's think about being human.
Let's think of the scores of women who have died. The maimed. The scarred.
I can tell you that from where I stand, I choose to live breastless. I choose to save myself, so how dare anyone want me only if I have boobs...man made or natural. Its an insult. My children want their mother alive. They don't care about the status of my body. I am sure that my husbands daughters would give ANYTHING to have their mother at their side. I am positive that my husband loved his first wife although she only had one breast, I am sure he still desired her. I know he would of done ANYTHING to keep her from dying. I know that he completely accepts me as an amputee.  

We all make choices. I am not here to judge them. But perhaps in some very very small tiny way, I am in YOUR life, to make you see that sometimes, if you peek behind the curtain, you will see that what you may see as a -duh i would get me some store bought titties- moment, is not so easy. Maybe you will see that one cannot judge a book by its cover or bra size.
Maybe you will see that I am whole even as not whole.
Maybe you will see I didn't choose this.
Maybe you will see others didn't choose to die.
Maybe you will see that all I want is to hold my grandchildren,
Maybe you will see my pain.
Maybe you will see that decisions are not black and white.

Maybe you will love me unconditionally.

Peace Out


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