Saturday, May 30, 2015

Empty Victory

I am catering a wedding this weekend.
My first really big job.
I am scared out my mind. I take comfort in the rhythm of chopping vegetables. The smell of my kitchen. The music playing in the background.
It's quiet in my house and I have lots of thinking time.
I think about how I made it to this point. This point of turning a passion into a business.
At the time I decided to pursue this dream, I had someone in my life that supported me. In every way, He told me we could do anything together and I believed him. I needed to believe him in order to have the courage to do this.
But he stopped believing.
In me.
In us.
While I am learning to live with this, I must still keep going after this dream I have of cooking for people. If I don't I will always wonder....what if.
So today is an empty victory. He is not by my side to smooth over by brow. He is not here to tell me me to stop my whining and DO IT.
It feels lonely not being able to tell him that I am excited and nervous.
It feels empty.
It feels like a victory.

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