It's Not the Cancer, It's the Chemo

Cancer does not hurt. Chemo hurts. Chemo makes everything fussy and spinny. I felt fine when I had my boobs and the cancer was in there. Hell, I felt real good. I was fit and strong. I was able to have PMS and not throttle my partner or children. Though, they may all disagree.
So I keep telling myself, it's the chemo, not the cancer that is currently kickin your ass. Must. Remember. This.
So today I write about a bunch a junk. Tales from the edge as one might say. Cuz honey, I am on the edge.
My children. I can't even write that without tears welling up in my eyes. ilovethemilovethemilovethem. I know every parent thinks this, but I have the two most incredible creatures hatched to date. lately I have been able to look at them deeper than ever. I know them so well. I see their hearts in their eyes. They are so good and true. I watch them play together and I swell with pride. They are very close. The greatest gift I could of ever given Elliot was her sister. They will always have each other and that pleases me. We do not allow "space" in our home. We're in this together. Too bad if you need a break. We're in this together. No shut doors, no time alone. I would never say that's an easy policy because Anthony and I don't have a time out either, but I feel in the long run, there will be a bond of my girls that nothing will ever break. They still sleep with us and that's the way we like it. I would never change that because really, what 12 yr old will want to be as close as we all are now. I am raising the future of that bond. ilovethem.
More later...
Today I bought a feather bed topper for the guest room. Now that's something that would NEVER happen in Texas. I feel so Pacific Northwest today. Most nights I cannot sleep through the night so I wanted a little comfort area to call my own. Now I've got it..
I get filgrastin shots everyday in my stomach to make my white blood cell count go up. The nurse speared me today. It still aches. Only two more days are I am doctor free for 5 days YAY!
There's something to be said about quality of life. If you don't have your health, you have nothing.

Peace Out