Where were you when the ball dropped in 1999? Were you singing that song waiting for 2000 to arrive? Perhaps you wish you could go back to turning of that new year? Perhaps, like me, you hope for goodness and health this coming year. Whatever it is, I hope you get it in some form.
We have survived the holidays. We now have even more toys. More toys everywhere. The girls have been very busy playing. The have both had a cold, so staying home and playing has been a good idea. I feel like I am dodging a bullet with these germs. Getting a cold for me is a bad thing. It could delay my chem due to all sorts of scenarios. With only 3 chemos left I am determined to stay on track. One good fever or dip of blood counts could set things back a bit. My focus is to keep away from cootys, finish chemo.
Christmas was fun. We had a full house. We all had a great time. The girls had a visit from Santa. VERY exciting. We had a big meal on Christmas Eve and opened gifts. Then of course Santa left some gifts Christmas morning and we all sat around and ate. It was fun. I was/am a bit woozy and tired. But we made it through. My folks left yesterday and now it seems very quiet here. They may be here for my last chemo. What a celebration.
The new chemo is different than the last. Yet it has it's own set of insults. Achey body. More hair loss (brows and lashes) Bad taste in mouth. Some severe cramping. Headaches. blah blah blah. But I could function better the day of chemo. Three more to go. I am trying to get through under the radar. HAHAHAHA We'll see about that. There's always some who has an opinion on how I should be acting. Maybe she's(I) mean because she's in treatment. Maybe..... maybe the honesty, no bs gadge is working at a very high level. Maybe I never really liked you and have no time to pretend now. Maybe I am not nice and have no time to pretend. Gosh, I just don't know what to say really. I can say that anyone who has gone through chemo is welcome to let me know what their experience was like. That's why I go to a support group. They know exactly what this is all like. They question nothing that anyone else feels or says in the group. There is no- I can't believe she said that or did that. Maybe my harshness will go away when the harshness of the poison coursing through my body leaves. Maybe, maybe not. If you are sensitive it may be a good idea to turn away from this blog. This is no sunny spot in the day to come and read the rantings of someone who is tired and toxic. This is not for the faint at heart. This is not for anyone who may be looking to this blog to find a warm fuzzy poem. This is where I vent and I promise this is only the tip of the iceberg on how I really feel. Also, if you have no great fondness for me, this blog will only confirm your reasons. It may also add a few. I can live with that.
Have a safe and happy new year. Do something fun. We will probably cook a decadent meal, I will watch others have a beer or champagne, and watch the ball drop on tv.
Peace Out
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