The Last Day of Our Acquaintance

Relationships begin. Relationships end. Sometimes they just fade away.

When they begin, the world seems to be full of butterflies and unicorns. Everything the new person does is just so cute and charming. They don't stink. They don't smell. Anything seems possible. Nothing unreachable or unattainable.

But when they end....well, things can get ugly. There can be collateral damage. Children take the burden of it all, I believe. It's not ever their fault yet they are in the middle of a clusterfuck that really has nothing to do with them.

The adults point fingers. They categorically assign blame, real or imagined. They make the ex to be the worst human ever. They forget that they are talking about the mother or father of their children being a "maniac" "delusional" "asshole" "bitch" "crazy".

They forget that at one time they loved and admired that person. They forget the days that their children were born. They forget the rainbows and butterflies.

All that's left is property, custody arrangements, and most the time hard feelings.

In the battle to be right, they forget that they are bonded together in some fashion...forever. Forever is a mighty long time. It's a mighty long time to throw someone under the bus. Oh and lets not forget, if children are involved, you are co-parenting as long as you both shall live. You once thought this person had the qualities that you thought were good enough to procreate with. And now....well now....

This is the last day of our acquaintance

I will meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know what your answer will be
I know you don't love me anymore
You used to hold my hand when the plane took off
Two years ago there just seemed so much more
And I don't know what happened to our love
Today's the day
Our friendship has been stale
And we will meet later to finalize the details
Two years ago the seed was planted
And since then you have taken me for granted
But this is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know your answer already
But this is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know your answer already
I know your answer already
I know your answer already

~Sinead O'Connor

Friendship

Today has me thinking about friendship.

What does it mean to you to be or have a friend? Are you a good friend?

There are times I have been a really shitty friend. There are times I could of been a better friend. There are also times that I have been a good friend.

Where would we be with out our friends? Sometimes friends are our family. We share our joys, triumphs, heartbreak, successes, and fuck ups with friends.

Friendship requires give and take just like any relationship. It requires a connection. Not always having everything in common. Friends make us better people.

Remember the song, make new friends, but keep the old ones? Does it ring true for you? It's never to late to meet new people. It's never too late to repair broken friendships. It's never too late to appreciate the friendships you currently have.

I know as a friend, I have work to do.

Peace Out

Make new friends,
but keep the old.
One is silver,
the other is gold.

A circle is round,
it has no end.
That's how long,
I will be your friend.

A fire burns bright,
it warms the heart.
We've been friends,
from the very start.

You have one hand,
I have the other.
Put them together,
We have each other.

Silver is precious,
Gold is too.
I am precious,
and so are you.

You help me,
and I'll help you
and together
we will see it through.

The sky is blue
The Earth is green
I can help
to keep it clean

Across the land
Across the sea
Friends forever
We will always be

Ch Ch Changes

I have not blogged in a while. Partly due to business and partly due to the choas of life...which now that I think about it, is business too.
My family is going through big changes. Mostly all good, yet as we all know change can be stressfull. The most important thing is that we are all healthy. We are all working hard towards harmonious and happy lives. When the time comes, all will be told. Until then...

Peace Out

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Where Does Hope Live Now?

Elizabeth Edwards. She passed away yesterday and I cannot tell you how sad it makes me. I have been thinking about the life she had. There's the obvious...John Edwards, breast cancer, the death of a child.
That's a lot to go through in 61 years. Her path was fraught with heartache and disappointment.
I was listening to NPR this morning and some foolish foolish woman was saying how Elizabeth Edwards "drank the koolaide" of her husband's life of deception. And I thought really? Seriously? Do you think for one second you could of walked in her shoes?
I can tell you as a mother, I would do anything, and I mean anything, to protect my children. I am sure she didn't make one move without the thought of what it would do to her children. I am sure every decision she made was not easy. I am sure there were days that she wanted to throw in the towel. I am sure protecting them was her number one priority, The one and only thing she could not protect them from, is loosing their mother.
I am just plain sad to hear of her passing. It makes me sick.
She seemed, at least to me as a beacon of hope.
So with her gone...where does hope live now?

Peace Out

I was there

it was public. i walked in to pay respects and walked out.

i have a hard time believing i bothered anyone but you. silly girl.

i have to wonder what you heard in the beautiful speech that was given. i heard it loud and clear so here goes... have a great life. find peace happiness and joy.

Tell me the tooth

My children are loosing teeth, left,right, and center. It seems everyother day we are conjuring up the tooth fairy. We eat a lot of soup at my house!

Peace Out

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What I'm Diggin Right Now

I was thinking today, as I went to Target for the ten millionth time this month (yup, it's September 3rd) of all the products in this world that make MY life better, and sometimes yours too.
So I thought, I'm gonna write down all my favs today. As if you care....

Swiffer lavender scented refills
Swiffer dust and shine with febreze
Aveda ANYTHING
My Canon camera
Clean laundry smells
Fall and Halloween coming right around the corner
The 15th anniversay of my 29th bday this month
A new word game on my Kindle
Diet Coke
Resolve carpet cleaner
Food Truck Wars on the food channel
Survivor starting next week
Seeing my chilis excited about school
Football season
Coors Lite
A new walking partner
A new very part time job
Dyson vacuum cleaner
My house being clean with no one home to mess it up
Neutrogena face scrub
Cute hair bobs with flowers on them

I would like to add here that I am by no means getting paid by these products, that is not my new part time job. Also, some of the things on the list are givens but I like to put it out there anyway.

Peace Out

First Day of Kindergarten

Have you ever seen a star fall from the sky? One the shines so bright that it eclipses your entire heart?
That's what happened to me when this little gem came into my life. Our first day together she snuggled in under my arm. That is still her favorite sleeping spot. She was a smiley baby, and still is to this day.
She started Kindergarten today. I watched her board the bus with her big sister. It was as if she'd been doing it for years. She told me that I would be ok today. She said maybe I could take a nap since I had no kids in the house today.
She breaks my heart in the very best way possible. She is snuggly and juicy. She is like a piece of glitter. Completely different from her sister...you now her every thought and feeling.
I have no idea how I got so blessed.
She tells me all the time that she will never leave me and will live with me forever. I keep trying to get that in writing but, she's only 5 and doesn't know how to spell that good. I hope she always feels that way!
Happy first day of Kindergarten WyWy!

I love you more than air!
Mommy

First Day of 3rd Grade

Look at her. She takes my breath away. All snaggled toothed as only an 8 year old can be. She's getting on a bus that is driving her to a place that will keep her all day. I birthed this child. She came out of my body. I grew that hair, those hazel eyes, inside of myself. And now I am supposed to just watch her leave me for hours at a time. Out of my sight but never out of my mind. All day I yearn to see her smile. I wonder how she's doing, if she's happy. It's the plight of a mother is it not? Watching them grow and spread their wings.
Look at her. She's so stinkin happy and proud. Off to 3rd grade to see her friends. They talk of things I'll never know about. It used to be that I knew her every sound and movement. Now she has a life that sometimes will seem foreign to me.
I hugged her close to me when I picked her up from school. We caught each others eyes all the way down a long hall and we both raised a hand to wave. My baby, coming back into my fold. Me, a proud mamma, not letting her see my tears of happiness.
Happy first day of 3rd grade Elliot!

I love you more than air,
Mommy

Wackadoooooo

I cut my hair recently. While most folks cut their hair every 7 weeks or so, I usually do not. After losing all my hair during chemo, I am very skidish if scissors get near me.
When it was growing back I did enjoy a fro for the first time of my life. My hair is usually very straight and it grew back curly! Ahhhh the joy of curly hair. Then I started getting it cut and the curl was gone. DAMMIT!
After a few cuts I was on a mission to grow out my hair. Longgggggggg.
But you know what? I just kept putting it up in a pony tail. What the hell good is that? Day after day I would pile it on top of my head and go about my biznazz.
Until a couple of weeks ago...
I have been going to a new hair stylist and told her to talk me off the ledge I was about to jump off. The ledge of- cut all this shit off. She said no way would she do that, we were gonna high dive off the mo fo and cut it OFF!
And we did, and I love it!
So thank you Carolann for the hair therapy.

Peace Out

I forget......

I forget what I was going to call this blog but I do remember what it is about.
First and foremost...Terry you were dead wrong about the Billy Jean King thing. I was right and I will remind you of that for eternity.
I think I was going to tell you what an asshole you are etc etc....but I forget.
The bottom line is KG is a rock star and you should bow down each and every day ;)

Oh yea, I was right!

Peace Out

An Ass Kickin'

Invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

Catch and Release

Should I go left? Should I go right? Forward?
Those are easy questions. I am an adult. At least that's what the calendar says.
But my children, well, the are children. I have spent all the years of theirs lives making choices for them and about them. Today I hit a brick wall...
My oldest turned eight this month. She has eight years of opinions and wants and wishes. She expresses them very well and not always the way I would like her to, as in whining.
Today was different. I suddenly realized that she needed to make a choice without me. I wanted her to do one thing, she wanted to do something else. For the first time in all these years I was upset, but in a more hurt feelings emotional way. I looked at her and said, ok it's your choice. She knew I was very sad and told me that she's not happy if I'm not happy, which is exactly how I feel about her. I told her that in her life we would both make choices that neither one of us agreed with. We would have to be accepting of this.
Then in my head I thought, HOLY SHIT, I AM A MOM!!!!!!!
I am a full fledged mutha of a mom!
I soooooooo wanted her to make MY choice, but I needed her to have the full impact of making her own. The good and the bad.
Through the years, I have to allow my children to do this. There will be millions of times I will have to grin and bare it. I will bite my tongue and let them succeed AND fall on their faces. Because that's what you're supposed to do in my book. I will be the soft place to land when the fall is steep. I will be the first and loudest to cheer at the goals and triumphs.
I will catch them when they fall and release them when they need to run. No matter if it hurts or if my joy shines like the sun.

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home, who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone

Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

She traveled this road as a child
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest
If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test

She knows the high stakes

As her folks drive away, her dad yells, "Check the oil!"
Mom stares out the window and says, "I'm leaving my girl"
She said, "It didn't seem like that long ago"
When she stood there and let her own folks know

She knows the highest stakes

Wide Open Spaces-The Dixie Chicks

Coolest Baby Clothes Evah!

I stumbled upon a supa cute store today with one of a kind local handmade baby goods!
It's here in my home town Issaquah in Gilman Village AND they have a website!
www.xmarksthetot.com
ch-ch-check it out!

Peace Out

Tempest in a Teapot

This past weekend I experienced some very interesting things and now I am hoppin mad!!!!!!!!!!!
I understand that everyone wants to make money. I also understand the sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. That's why someone would sell something that is "supposed" to cure some nasty stuff that is here on earth.
The unfortunate thing is, people will believe the lies that these tiered money making schemes spew out. Sometimes the people that actually sell this crap, believe it.
Let's be clear about two things here:

No one gets rich on these MLM's EXCEPT the folks at the very very top.
Cancer nor Leukemia have been cured by any fruit or vitamin.

How cruel, how wrong, it is to tell some, anyone that what they are selling can cure such an asshole of a disease. If that did work, wouldn't we ALL be "drinking the koolaide?" How dare somehow who is so clearly unqualified, give false hope to someone who is scared out of their mind.
Also, if ANY thing in this world could make us rich, wouldn't we all be selling it? Wouldn't we all be rich?
At this point I am disgusted. THERE IS NO CURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If there was, no one would lose an daughter, mother, friend, aunt, dad, brother, wife, husband....
There are so many prayers, hopes, and dreams, for a cure. It's a cruel lie to say you have one to line your pockets.

Peace Out

Eight is Great!

My sweet Elliot is turning eight. And wouldn't you know it, she went and lost a tooth to celebrate. This girl makes me so proud. She is kind and loyal. She's so so sweeeeeeet. She will be in third grade this fall! I am amazed at how quickly time has flown by. Being pregnant with her changed me. It was not the easiest of times, yet here we are, eight years later. When I became pregnant I had just finished my first battle with breast cancer. Elliot was a sign of hope. I love you my big girl, more than air... Peace Out

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Swimmin Hole

Summer is finally here in the Seattle area! Yes I know we get a bad wrap around here about all the rain, but have you ever been up here in the summer? It's quite easily the most beautiful place that I want to be. Today I have three sun drenched little girls giggling in the water at a local creek. The water is clear and cool. There's no one else around. Just the sun and the sound of a flowing creek. Yesterday I took my girls to the local water park. I like to say it is the land of wife beater t shirts, camel toe, and muffin tops. Its crowded with teenagers who dress like pole dancers. My kids don't really notice all that. All they know is water and fun is everywhere. I prefer this quiet swimmin hole to all that, but honestly kids don't care. They want school to be out and to get wet. It's a happy day when life is this simple! Peace Out

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Happy Birthday

Today Frida Kahlo would have been 103.
You know when folks ask that question: Who are the people you would have at a dinner party? First on my list would be Frida.
I wrote about Frida her once before. Boobalicious: I Heart Frida Khalo
When I think about trying to be the person I need to be, I think of her.
When I feel weak and want to give up, I think of her.
When I have pain I do not think I will conquer, I think of her.

Peace Out

Happy 4th!

A really simple day...
Walked in a parade
Cooked a lot of food
Had a birthday celebration
Ate a lot of food
Drank a few beers
Had a few jello shots
Shot off fireworks
Had fun with some friends.

Peace Out

Last night I went and saw Anthony Bourdain speak here in Seattle where I live.
He is dark, funny, jaded, and sarcastic...just like I like!
He is a chef and traveler. He is a lover of all things pork.
My friend Rose went with me and we met up with Chad, my friend Shannon's husband. I had such a good time. I hope they did too!
He is the main reason for my trip to Thailand and some of the place that I visited while I was there. And I told him so!
After his talk, he signed his latest book. I leaned in very close to get a whiff of him while he signed my book. I breathed in deep and what I found was the most intoxicating aroma of beer and pork. Lawd....you can take me now!

Peace Out