Here Comes Crazy

Ya'll wavin the crazy flag yet? The crazy holiday season flag? The flag that waves and turns folks into freaks. You know the one...
People get incredibly hurried and rude this time of year. Families wait all year to bring up all the crap the hurt their feelings or made them mad some time back in April. Then after being together one too many days, the poo hits the fan.
Don't get me wrong, I am no Scrooge. I love the holiday season. I love doing all the works. But I don't like the crazy.
I also do not like the thought of having to give gifts. It's not that I am cheap or uncaring. It's that I can't stand the thought of buying something to put in a box just to give it because I am supposed to. Hate it. What could anyone in my personal circle need? Why make a list and then KNOW that's what you're getting. The are so many people around us who really do have need. Basic need. Shelter, clothing, food, health care.
My family and I have adopted a family from United Way this year. This family has need. Basic need. I would rather spend my time with my children showing them how to give than get.
Around the middle of March I doubt many folks remember what all the got for Christmas.
Wow reading back over this I really do sound like a scrooge. I may not be explaining myself very well.
But then again maybe I am...

Peace Out

Thankful

What are you thankful for?

Good health?
Family?
Warm house?
Clothes on your back?
Food to eat?

Seems so simple doesn't it? But for some it is not. At least not everyday. We bitch and moan about anything and everything.
Gratitude sometimes comes as a flicker. It leaves as quickly as it comes. Just a little glint of sun through some tree branches on a winter day.

We get stuck in our own story.
I do all the time.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for too much to even mention, but thankful none the less.

Peace Out

Diamonds and Unicorns

This is for you and you know who you are rockin the side pony. Oh yea, try and act like you only did it for Halloween. I bet you do your hair like this every weekend AND that pretty eyeshadow.
You're the best grrl!!!!

Peace Out

Death

I think about it all the time. I think about it daily. Sometimes I think I obsess about it.
It follows me like a dark cloud trying to rain on me. It's like a deep ocean that I am not willing to drown in.
It scares me.
I hate it.
I worry all the time about every cough I get. I worry I will find a lump or bump somewhere. I worry that I will hear the words..the cancer is back.
I think about my body being a mine field. What will be destroyed next?
When will the other shoe drop?
Did it already drop since I have had cancer twice?
Will my girls have a mom? Will they have to watch something horrific happen to me?
Will A have to raise our girls alone?
Death wants to swallow me and I won't let it.
I think about this all the time Every fucking day and I HATE it.
HATE. IT.

What Did You Do Today?

2:30 A.M.- Wake up
3:15 A.M.- Open at Starbucks
7:30 A.M.- Off work
8:40 A.M- Take Elliot to the bus
9:00 A.M.- Laundry, dishes, vacuum. play with Wyatt
11:30 A.M.- Make lunch for me and Wyatt
12:15- Force Wyatt to take a nap so I can take a nap
3:30- Finish laundry
4:30- Get Elliot off the bus
4:45- Make a snack for the girls and start Elliot on her homework and get Wyatt to write her name
5:45- Make dinner
6:30- Do dishes, start girls on a bath
8:00- In bed reading to girls
8:30- Lights off

How was your day?

Peace Out

Pho You!

Until 2 weeks ago, I had never eaten Top Ramen cooked. Yea, I had it uncooked in an Asian type salad but never cooked.
HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hit the jack pot to find a package in my pantry that was "Oriental Flavor"
So I cooked it up. Then I put in hoison and red chili sauce. It was gooooood. It tasted just like my favorite soup. Pho. Pho is pronounced fu as in f#*k you. Or rhymes with duh. I love to get Pho'ed up. I Pho'in love it! Traditionally Pho is a Vietnamiese noodle soup. You can have it with beef or chicken or tofu. My family prefers it with beef. My kids love it and often request it.
When I have a cold, it's my go to meal.
You can make it as spicey or unspicey as you like it. We like bean sprouts, raw jalapenos, Thia basil and chili sauce in ours. It's cheap, hot and good.
But now I have discovered my fake Pho. My Oriental flavored Top Ramen. Seven for a dollar. Can't beat that, now can you?
There is a place we like to go here in town called What the Pho. Great name, great Pho.
But now I know if I am really hungry, yet too tired to leave the house I can always have my fake Pho!!
It's Pho'in GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace the Pho Out

Who is Trixila?

Folks ask me quite often where I came up with the name trixila. I have been using it since I ever got my first email account at Yahoo.
It stems from the name Trixi LaDoux. A fake name I used to use when I wouldn't tell people my real name. You know, for security reasons...
So it got shortened to trixila. See there's nothing really saucy about it or spammish. Just a silly name that has staying power.

Peace Out

House of Cards

I have to say that these last couple of months have been hectic. Elliot started first grade. Wyatt started pre-school. I started working. We're living on one car indefinitely. It's all really small potatoes compared to illness, but still it's been a bit crazy.
I am really liking my job although I get up at the crack of my ass early. I turned a corner last week and seem to be getting a little better at it. It's a lot to remember and with this chemo brain of mine I remember nothing these days. So I take it as a personal challenge to learn my job well enough to be good at it. Never mind that I forget words or the complete meaning of simple phrases. There are days I forget peoples names. People I see everyday.
I will rise to this occasion!!!!
Hmmmm let me see what else....
Just truckin along. Enjoying the arrival of fall. The wind has been blowing like crazy and at this time it feels as though the big bad wolf will blow our house down. But I like the rain and wind and tumbling leaves.
Happy Fall!

Peace Out

This Bitch Was Made For Walking

Tomorrow begins the Seattle 2008 3day walk.
This year feels a bit wonky. My friend Jacqueline was not able to come up from Dallas to walk with me this year.
Anna has had to drop out along with her cousin Angie who has flown in form South Carolina to do the walk.
Now there is a small group of 8. We've worked hard to get here. We've raised money and our glasses. We've broken bones and spent time away from our families all for this weekend. All in hopes of a cure. Elliot asked me last night how many more time would I do the walk. I said as many times as it takes.
Cancer has shaped my children's lives. some days I don't even realize it until they say something about cancer so nonchalantly. Like everyone's mommy has cancer. They really don't know yet that most mommies have their boobs forever. They think it's just what you do. Kinda like making your bed...It's just what you do. It ain't fun but you do it anyway.
So wish me luck. Please don't say break a leg...

Peace Out

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

I have done a lot of dirty deeds in my life and now I am about to cleanse myself right here on my blog...

I clean toilets
I wash clothes
I clean the fish tank
I vacuum the car
I wash dishes
I clean cat litter
I wipe butts
I scrub bath tubs
I change sheets

There you have it. Dirty deeds done dirt cheap.

Here's a little blurb I read today-

(Reuters) -- When Tricia Himawan was a financial analyst, she worked 50 hours a week and earned about $75,000 a year. Now, she works, by her estimation, about 119 hours a week doing 11 different jobs, and, for 10 of them, she makes ... nothing.

"I work nonstop as a mother," says Himawan, of West Orange, New Jersey, as she breast-feeds her nine-month-old son Jonas and watches over 4-year-old Juliana.

If she were paid for her work as a mother, she would be earning almost $140,000 a year.

That is the conclusion of research conducted by Salary.com, a firm based in Waltham, Massachusetts, that specializes in determining compensation. Himawan was one of 40,000 mothers who responded online to Salary.com explaining what their job entailed and how many hours they worked.

The typical mother puts in a 92-hour work week, the company concluded, and works at least 10 jobs. In order of hours spent on them per week, these are: housekeeper, day-care center teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, chief executive officer and psychologist. By figuring out the median salaries for each position, and calculating the average number of hours worked at each, the firm came up with $138,095 -- three percent higher than last year's results.

Even mothers who work full-time jobs outside the home put in $85,939 worth of work as mothers, according to Salary.com.

"My work is my family right now, and my backbone is about to break," says Himawan, who now also works at home as a real-estate broker."My baby is on my hip 24 hours a day."

CNN's Jonathan Mandell contributed to this report.

So how do you like them apples? I say, HOW. DO.YOU. LIKE. THEM. APPLES?

I have decided to get a job. Actually I got me a job. At Starbucks. Making coffee. Not rocket science. Just good old coffee. My job in no way will affect my children. Their lives will operate as usual. I will be home before they even leave for school. You make ask me, why in the world would you go do something like that? Do you enjoy self torture of waking in the wee hours of the day? Well, I say to you, this is all MINE. It ain't cancer's. It ain't my family's (whom I love more than air) It's all MINE. I will not be talking about chemo, or tits, or soccer classes, or bus schedules. I will smile and say hi and make a steaming beverage that makes folks happy. They will be happy with me. They will think I am the Goddess that has come to deliver them from the sandman. They will look forward to seeing me. They will think I am the shit. And I will be.
I will not tell them how I am going home after my shift to clean shit. I will not tell them that I am in menopause. I will not tell them that my sweet girls need to read for at least 30 minutes every night. I will not tell them anything except that their coffee is now ready.
I will let you know how it goes.
This of course doesn't mean my list of dirty deeds at home will disappear..

Peace Out

Sleep Over

I am trying not to panic.
Both my girls are at my neighbor's house tonight having their first sleep over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, really their second. The first was at Jason and Amy's house.
They packed their little bags and trotted over like no body's biznazz. The house is quiet. I went grocery shopping ALONE. Anthony and I feel a little lost. We miss them. Do they miss us?
I doubt it.
I am already struggling with the fact that Elliot is going to be in school all day the fall. I have poured six years into that girl. Playdates, classes, preschool, teething, nursing, pottytraining....
And now I am just suppose to let her get on a bus at 8:45 and not see her until 4:08.
AHHHHHHH!
I digress...
So I am waiting to see if I get a call that they want to come home. A watched phone never rings. Anthony is pacing the floor and looking over to the neighbors house. We miss them. Terribly. It's been 5 hours. We are so pathetic.

Peace Out

Got Cancer?

This week there was a big news splash that a celebrity has breast cancer. I thought to myself hmmmmm

So does
Anna Schumacher
Kristin Haugen
Sara Thompson
Colie Taylor
Carol Franco
Coutney Fede
Me
Everyone in Northwest Young Survivors
Everyone on the Young Survivor Coalition boards...

This list goes on and on but I don't see us being on the cover of magazines.
Why does this bother me so much? Cuz it does dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cuz it sucks. Cuz cancer has a face when a celebrity has it. We are all in the trenches here. Some folks have gone into financial, emotional, physical, mental ruin over having breast cancer. Some folks have no insurance for treatment. Some have no family support. Some women have to work everyday through chemo. Feeling like pounded shit. Enduring stares of pity. Wondering how they are to explain to their children that mommy just wants to crawl under the covers. Trying to tell their partners/mates they only want to go to a dark room and cry. Explaining to their boss why they are still a vaulable employee even though they can't keep thier head off the desk or out of the trash can.
I know that anyone who must go through any kind of cancer is scared and hurting. There needs to be a cure, not a glamorization of it.

Peace Out




Come out upon my seas,
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I a part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease
-Coldplay

Home Sweet Home

I am home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After a week in the inferno known as Texas I am home where I belong. In the Northwest. It's raining and about 60 degrees. I belong here. Every molecule in my body tells me this. I am like a homing pigeon. My gps points me here. I was meant to live in rain. It just took me a while to get here. Now don't get me wrong a am a Texan. I will spit in your eye if you call me anything else.
I was a flight attendant in a former life and I have free tickets. Free meaning flying standby. Ugh the summer is a nightmare, the flights are full and it was not easy getting home yesterday. But here we are! We had a great time. The girls got to spend time with Poppa and Sittee. We celebrated my dad's birthday.
Now I am back in my nest with my guy. He tried being single guy for the week but to be honest, I think he missed his girls.
School starts in 3 weeks. I have a first grader. Holy Hanna when did that happen? She's already got her first day of school outfit picked out. A dress with jeans. What a hipster. What a fashionista.

Peace Out

Burning Off My Nose Hairs

Holy Inferno!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am in Texas seeing my folks and it's been freaking 105 all week. My nose hairs are singed. Hot hotter than hell. I HATE the heat. I completely hate it. My Father's birthday is in August and it always seems we are here to celebrate. August is the ass time of year hear in Dallas.
We can hardly go outside with out a heat stroke. If you get in a car after it has been in the sun your skin will melt off. I. AM. NOT. EXAGGERATING.
Country road take me home to my dreary rain and clouds. To the place I feel the most at home. I need my soggy ground squishing beneath my feet. Please please no sun for at least a week for recovery. Draw the blinds, pull up the covers.
GET ME OUTTA HERE!

Heat out

Contest

While taking to a friend of mine today, she was commenting how she'd love to hear stories about THE thing that our mates do that makes us homicidally insane. So crazy that you want to hoover over them in the middle of the night with a pillow.
Email me your stories. I would LOVE to hear them. I may blog about my own...
trixila@gmail.com


Peace out

Boobalapooza

It started with a dream and ended with some hang overs. Some of my home gurls and I went on a little vacation. We were in various states of dress and undress all weekend.
We all belong to a club we never wanted to join. Breast cancer survivors. So we make the best of it with lots of drinks and pharmaceuticals and tons of laughs.
We had a weekend with no work, no partners and no kids. I think it's safe to say we all had a blast, but we were ready to get home to our nests and plan the next trip.
As crazy as it seems, I would have never met these gals and their families if it weren't for that asshole cancer.
We made some great memories and wonderful bonds. I am gushing now.

Peace Out

Happy Birthday Rock Star

My baby turned 6! She of course says that she is no longer a baby. Six seems to fit her very well.
For her birthday she wanted a garden party. We planted flowers, ate PBJ's, had cake. Pictured is the cake she designed herself and all the flower we planted.
Happy birthday my little rock star!

I love you more than air,
Mommy

I Hurt My Paw

It's all cancer's fault.
Had I not had breast cancer and had to do a benefit to raise money to walk 60 miles, this would not have happened. I would not of had to dance my ass off and have fun. I would of been sitting on my couch on a Thursday night like any normal mom, with my tits still attached and my hair still long and 30 pounds lighter.
Oh but noooooooooooooooooooo
I had to go and raise money for breast cancer research and dance the night away with the most amazing women that I have ever met. CRAP!!!!!!!!!!
Damn you cancer!
I have to have my foot in a boot for 4 weeks and do crutches for 2 weeks.
I was the happiest girl at the doctors office today. Have you any idea how good it feels to go to the doc and cancer is not the reason?
I happily accept this broken foot. If that's the cross I have to bare then so be it. :)

Peace Out

It's Been a Long Time Since I Rock and Rolled

We put on quite the show. And I do not mean the music bands, I mean me and my merry band of drink swilling, cussing, brassy, almost going home with the po po, breast cancer survivor friends.
We are a scene. I guess after what we've been through we just throw all caution to the wind and show our asses.
It was so fun. So fun. Thanks to all who came out. If I said or did anything that offended anyone, well... I .... Um.....
Hope you had fun too!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace Out




Its been a long time since I rock and rolled,
Its been a long time since I did the stroll.
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back,
Let me get it back, baby, where I come from.
Its been a long time, been a long time,
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.
Yes it has.
-Led Zeppelin

Rock-N-Roll Fund Raiser

Dear Friends,
On June 26th, 2008, there is a fund raiser for my 3day Breast Cancer Walk team. One of the members of my team, Anna, and her husband have set this up. They are AWESOME!!!!
Anna's husband Kevin has gathered his band and some other local bands to play for the cause. The venue has also been donated!!!!
All we need now is folks to come and hear some good music and donate to a VERY important cause!
Below is all the info from our press release.
Please let me know if you have any questions.
If you would like to donate to my team directly or myself, please go to:


http://08.the3day.org/goto/mariaewing
http://08.the3day.org/goto/lickitysplits


As ALWAYS, thank you for all the support and love!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please pass this email to anyone you think would be interested!

Love, Peace, & Rock-N-Roll
Maria







Following is the actual press release. Please share our story and
the info about the show with EVERYONE you know. Thank you, thank you,
thank you.




CONCERT TO BE HELD AT HEAVEN NIGHTCLUB (FORMERLY THE CATWALK) TO RAISE
DONATIONS FOR THE "LICKETYSPLITS," A TEAM ASSEMBLED TO WALK AT THE
BREAST CANCER 3 DAY WALK BENEFITING SUSAN G. KOMEN FOR THE CURE

26 JUNE 2008

Featuring popular local rock bands, Trepan, The Second Academy, and others

Thousands of women and men come together, each raising at least $2,200
for Susan G. Komen for the Cure and the National Philanthropic Trust
Breast Cancer Fund. Then they take their commitment to end breast
cancer one step further and walk 60 miles over the course of three
days. Eighty-five percent of the net proceeds of this event go to
Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Every advancement in breast cancer
research, treatment, education and prevention in the last 25 years has
been touched by a Komen for the Cure grant. The remaining fifteen
percent of net funds goes to the National Philanthropic Trust Breast
Cancer Fund to provide a permanent endowment for ongoing support of
breast cancer initiatives.

The "Licketysplits" are a team of young women in their 30's and 40's.
It is a group made up of mothers, artists, newlyweds, and amateur
oncologists. A majority of this team are young breast cancer
survivors. These women are gathering from the four corners of the
United States, in alliance to help provide funds for breast cancer
research, and ultimately a cure. Young women CAN and DO get breast
cancer. While breast cancer in young women accounts for a small
percentage of all breast cancer cases, the impact of this disease is
widespread: over 11,100 young women will be diagnosed in the next
year. Please attend our benefit concert, listen to some great rock
music, and enjoy the ambiance and spirits of Heaven Nightclub.

Heaven Nightclub is located in the Pioneer District, at 172 S.
Washington, Seattle, WA 98104.

Doors open at 8:00pm. Show starts at 9:00pm. $5.00 cover charge, as
well as any donation you can make.

For additional information please call: 206-622-1863, or Kevin
Schumacher at 206-909-1322.

--
maria e w i n g
(.) (.) find a cure
www.boobalicious-trixila.blogspot.com