As always.....

29 FO EVAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here it comes again. Just like it does every year....the anniversary of my 29th birthday.
Eleven and six years out from meeting that bastard. You know what I speak of Dear Reader!
Anyhoodle,
I was thinking this week that it seems every year seems like a triumph to be alive another year. That's what people like me do, we count every year. But I think I need to stop the counting of years away and start the counting of good times ahead. Really good times.
I have chosen to pretty much remove myself from the cancer world so why give it another thought?
Time wants to march on, but my age doesn't. Bwa!
So here is a small list of things I would like in my counting of the good times.
(Clears throat here)

My children to be happy
To win a lottery of any amount
More travel of the world
Less tears and my shitty attitude
Flowers in my house all the time
Outdoor movies every summer
Feeding my friends and family around my table all the time
Sweet whispers
Kindness of epic proportions
Seeing my friends I hardly see more often
Less judgement
LEARNING TO PLAY THE GUITAR!!!!!!!
Diet Coke to come in I.V. form
Fashion magazines to go bankrupt
Brandi Carlile to be my BFF
To own an original Frida Kahlo painting

I have my work cut out for me for many years. Let's roll!!!!!!!!!

Peace Out

“Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?” 
― Frida Kahlo

Let It Bend

reposted but fitting

Brandi Carlile

Around here, it's the hardest time of year 
Waking up, the days are even gone 
The collar of my coat 
Lord help me, cannot help the cold 
The raindrops sting my eyes 
I keep them closed. 

But I'm feelin' no pain 
I'm a little lonely and my quietest friend 
Have I the moonlight? Have I let you in? 
Say it aint so, say I'm happy again 

Say it's over, say I'm dreaming, 
Say I'm better than you left me 
Say you're sorry, I can take it 
Say you'll wait, say you won't 
Say you love me, say you don't 
I can make my own mistakes 
Let it bend before it breaks 

I'm all right. Don't I seem to be? 
Aren't I swinging on the stars? 
Don't I wear them on my sleeve? 
When you're looking for a crossroads, 
It happens every day 
And whichever way you turn, 
I'm gonna turn the other way 

Say it's over, say I'm dreaming, 
Say I'm better than you left me 
Say you're sorry, I can take it 
Say you'll wait, say you won't 
Say you love me, say you don't 
I can make my own mistakes 
Learn to let it bend before it breaks 

Say it's over say I'm dreaming, 
Say I'm better than you left me 
Say you're sorry, I can take it 
Say you'll wait, say you won't 
Say you love me, say you don't 
I can make my own mistakes 
Let it bend before it breaks 

Pure Fuckery

I title this post pure fuckery.
Because sometimes that's what happens.
I have been hit in the gut tonight with the news that a breast cancer survivor has died. Here's the fuckery....she died of a blood clot after having her much wanted 4th child 9 days ago. I cannot wrap my mind around this. I just cannot.
I have exchanged messages with her through the last 6 years. I saw her proudly beaming in pictures with her 4th child just last week.
I saw her post on facebook that she had to go back to the hospital this week because of an infection.
Then BLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's gone. A blood clot.
Not the hideous disease that she fought so hard against and advocated about.
I mourn her. I mourn her.
And then my next thought is FUCK YOU CANCER YOU ASSHOLE VILLIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You didn't get to take her. It was her time and you had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
How twisted is it? How deranged am I for laughing in the face of the demon I know all too well, because this time, it did not win.
Yet still.....it's pure fuckery. Children left without their mother. A man left without his wife. Horrible horrible horrible. Confusing and cruel.
Tears running down my face all the while. I don't understand.