The Eyes of Tammy Faye

Did anyone catch Tammy Faye on Larry King Live last night?
I was never a big fan myself, but I saw her on there struggling to take a breath. I wanted to reach out and hold her. She's dying from cancer. I don't really know what kind. It doesn't really matter does it? She's dying. She weighs 65 pounds. It made my stomach hurt to watch her.
This week someone from Cancer Club died. Her husband and children and her parents were at her side. This week her children had to go to bed without their mommy. Devastating. Her parents had to watch her die as did her husband. What do you do with that? How does one contend with that? It is completely unfair. Those children have no mother. A husband lost his mate. A parent lost their child.
So stinkin' sad.





Peace Out

True Colors

I have changed my blog colors.
I changed them for a couple of reasons. One being that I am moving on. I am uninviting cancer to hang out with me.
There are an array of colors there now. Kinda hip don't ya think?
So let's address Anonymous for a sec...
You really pissed me off. You also pissed of some of my Cancer Club gals. They, like me, wonder how you could possibly assume to know anything about how we feel in order to even make a comment. You DON'T want the Pink Possee after you I promise.
Anyhoo,
I am babysitting Baby LoLo today. She's such a sweet thing.
It's a rainy summer day here in Seattle. Anthony has been on another business trip this week and gets back tonight.

Peace Out

Dear Anonymous (this is going to get ugly)

If you are going to leave comments on my blog, then leave your name.
How cowardly to leave a comment on how angry I am. Do you even get it? Do you see the joke? Do you see that it feels good to hate others doing my laundry rather than moping around about cancer?
I have a really good idea who you are. Not to point fingers or anything. Our relationship or lack there of is no secret.
Don't give me your bullshit wisdom :

"Why is life so hard for you express so much pain and stress over laundry. Anger damages and creates unhealthy immunities. Let the dirty laundry go. Life is more than laundry."

UGGGGGGGGGGGGG
You know you are so right. I should really change...
Did you proof read what you wrote? I think you left some words out. That is a tell tale sign of who you are.
I cannot stand people like you.
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's how I really feel. How's that for anger?
Fuck you and fuck cancer. Fuck having my body chopped up. Fuck seeing friends die. Fuck the fact there is no cure. Fuck people doing my laundry. Fuck it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck people who leave anonymous comments as if it will change me. Fuck people who LIE. Fuck people who have no fucking idea what my life is like. Fuck people who cannot take a joke.
This is my blog. If you do not want to have some balls and sign your name to your condescending comments then stop reading it. IT'S NOT FOR YOU OR ABOUT YOU.
You don't know me. You have no idea what or who I am. Don't give me your sanctimonious shit about anger. I have no respect for you or how you conduct yourself. At least my emotions are real and out there. No one would ever call me passive-aggressive.
I am more than you will ever see. You will never have the honor or privilege to truly know me.
Fuck you.

Have a nice day :)

Dirty Laundry

I came to the realization today that I do not like anyone doing my laundry. In fact I hate it. I find it curiously gross that one would want to touch my (or my family's) dirty clothes.
I do my laundry the way I like to do it. I know what I want dried and how. Use a certain combo of things that makes my clothes turn out the way I want them. Soft, and as my daughter says, smelling like heaven.
I can hear it now, "Maria needs to control things" OOOhhhhh you bet your ass I do, and so do you. DON'T YOU?
Please, please, let's not get testy. Let's just be real. We all have things we like to have a say so over, and mine is laundry, or at least one of mine.
I think there is something much deeper to someone going into your laundry bag and sorting your clothes. I am not paranoid, I really do. Going through pockets and seeing what kind of underwear they wear is voyeuristic if you ask me.
I also try and use the worlds water and electricity resources in a polite way. I do not wash 3 or 4 things. I have enough folks in my house to make full loads. Yes, you can make your water level lower, but you use full dryer energy weather it's a full or light load.
I would have to say going into my room uninvited creeps me out a bit too. I keep my laundry basket in my closet so you really have to go deep into my space. I have a hot flash just thinking about it! Seeking out dirty stuff ewwwwwwwww! Does one have no personal place?
Believe me when I say, I will not being doing your dirty laundry either.

Peace Out

My Rock Star

Happy birthday baby!
Elliot is 5 years old! I cannot believe it.
Elliot is a lover of music, dance and animals. She is the best big sister anyone could wish for.
If you have known me for very long, dear reader, you would know that I am the last person you would think, that would ever have children. Now I wish I could have two more. Unfortunately, time is not on my side, not to mention cancer.
I love my children more than air. They are my reason for breathing. They are my legacy.
I am honored to be Elliot's mommy.
I love you so much baby. You're a rock star!

I love you,
Mommy

Lil Miss Firecracker

Here she is. Miss Lauren Paige Rataezyk.
Born on the 4th of July. She's a Yankee Doodle Dandie!!!!!
She's as sweet as a cupcake.
Of course I cried like a baby seeing her for the first time.
After the year that I have had, seeing her in this world gives me hope. She epitomizes everything good. As all babies do.
I have been running away from cancer. I have been running from nightmares. Then I see this sweet thing, just minutes old and I stopped in my tracks. I am running towards hope.
Deena and Josh were kind enough to share this miracle with me. She's our new kid on the block.
Mom and Dad are doing good. Cooper is a VERY proud and helpful big brother. Olivia beams with pride. They are complete.

Peace Out